


runaway

by orphanwithabattlecry



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 07:51:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4952392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphanwithabattlecry/pseuds/orphanwithabattlecry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You run because that's the only thing you know how to do, or rather that's the only thing you're comfortable doing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	runaway

You run because that's the only thing you know how to do, or rather that's the only thing you're comfortable doing. You've become an outlaw over the years, but you don't steal goods, you steal hearts and leave the shattered remains in your wake to be swept up by the dust that trails behind as you move. There's only one heart that you've touched and haven't broken, but that's because it breaks yours and puts it back together again, and again, and again. 

He leaves you as often as you leave him, but no matter how many times you tell yourself that it's for the last time you always take his hand when he shows up at your door. He never apologizes for the way he drifts in and out of your life, despite how it disrupts everything. Despite the fact he knows he is the reason you're so flighty, why you just can't seem to settle down. 

You're perpetually waiting for him and you think you'll wait forever because, despite the months and years of waiting and being damaged because of it, even if he takes longer than he says he will, he always comes back to you. 

It's not fair, you realize, to hurt the people in your life by living the way you do but you're too selfish to live any other way. You spend your days pretending to be stable when others are around but the moment you're alone the facade dissolves and you find yourself sobbing every night he doesn't come to whisk you away. 

You never stay in one place for longer than a few months, a year at most because you’ve developed a large scale claustrophobia. There is no expanse big enough for you any longer; he’s shown you the world, the cosmos, and now nothing will be a large enough place to calm your wandering heart. You once thought yourself capable of settling down, but now it’s unimaginable. 

Stability is nothing more than a fairy tale to you now. 

It gets worse as time moves forward, as you grow older and the frequency of his visits lessens. It starts out as weeks, turns into months and melds into years before you even hear a word. It increases your anxiety, doubles your struggle with depression and the idea that you're _trappedtrappedtrapped._

Two and a half years pass before he contacts you and when you read his name scrawled across your caller id you think of not answering, but you answer because you can't stop yourself. (You say you don't love him, don't miss him but you do. _You do, you do, you do._ ) 

You hate yourself for the way your heart races, pounds against your ribcage, and the way your breath catches in your throat and mangles the already strangled word as you try to answer. “H-hello?” 

“Amelia,” he whispers your name and you curse yourself for the way you crumple to the floor of your bedroom from the intensity of the emotions that flood through you. 

“Raggedy Man,” you gasp in return, clasping a hand over your mouth while you struggle to contain your tears. “Where have you been?”

“I’m sorry,” he tells you and you believe him because you have absolute faith in him, blind faith and you always have. (You suspect you always will.). He doesn't tell you where he's been or what he's been doing--he never does and you wonder if that makes your heart ache more, or less. 

"I'm not coming back," he tells you after the silence that stretched between you two becomes too thick a blanket. 

"What?" 

The words tumble from your lips before you could think to stop them and you feel the splintered pieces of your heart, which had been piecing themselves together at the sound of his voice, shatter again, littering the floor. 

"I am not coming back Amy." he says it with such conviction you wonder if he's putting up a front or if he's simply over you. Done with you like all the others. (How foolish it was, to think you were special)

"You asshole," you snarl before you can think about what you're saying. “You don’t get to do this, you don’t get to disappear _two and a half years_ and tell me you aren’t coming back over a bloody phone call,” you hiss into the receiver. “I always knew you were a coward,” you say because you know it will sting both his hearts. (You don’t believe that, you think he’s the bravest man you’ve ever met.) 

“Amy--” he starts but you hang up before he can get another word out. 

Without thinking you throw the phone against the wall and sink to your knees--fingers entangling themselves in your hair as you scream without sound. It hurts, it hurt so badly it sinks into your bones and you wonder how you let it get this bad. Wonder how you let him break you like this and, really, you know how-- he breaks you because you love him, completely, totally, irrevocably. 

You pull yourself together after days, weeks of tears and screaming and heartbreak and after a month of thinking you’ll be okay, he shows up at your door. 

You nearly slam the door in his face when you see him, a flood of mixed emotions filling you at the sight of him. You want to scream obscenities at him, yell about how he doesn’t get to do this to you, how he doesn’t get to shatter your heart and reappear in your life as though it never happened, how you are _Amy Pond and you deserve to be treated better_ , but you also want to embrace him, engulf him in a hug so tight that you may never let go, or kiss that sheepish smile off of his face until he’s backed you against a wall with feverish kisses. But you do none of those things, instead you stare at him coldly and make him speak first. 

“Amy,” he says, sorrow written all over his face. 

“Doctor,” you reply with more venom than you intended. “I thought you weren’t coming back,” you say pointedly, folding your arms over your chest. You will not break first. 

“I tried to stay away,” he admits looking down like a child who has just been scolded. “I was going to stay away, but Amy. Amelia,” he says, pleadingly. “I can’t.”

He’s looking up at you, begging for mercy with just his expression and you can feel the ice melt. You love him and no matter what you cannot stay angry at him. His intentions are always well-meant, even if they were poorly executed. 

“You are seared into my hearts,” he tells you, reaching for your hands and you let him take them. “You were the first face this face saw, the beginning of my life in this form,” he pauses to read your expression but you’ve kept it stony, impassive. “I need you with me, until the end. I want you to be the first and the last.”

Your heart melts. 

“I can’t stay away, no matter how hard I try,” he admits. 

“Raggedy man,” you mumble because your resolve is crumbling. You still can’t live without him.

“Come along Pond?” He asks, hopeful and you nod, biting your lip to hold back a smile even as you interlace your fingers in his. 

“Okay," you reply and the smile breaks across your face before you can stop it. "But you can't ever leave me behind again."

"Never," he promises and you two take off running again.


End file.
